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I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS NIGHT

posted Dec 1, 2010, 6:36 AM by Debbie Butler

As I regain coherence, I still can't shake the overwhelming understanding of God. God. My God. His love. His magnificence. His wonder. His incredible lovely amazing awesomeness. Oh God. Oh God.

Have you ever been so overwhelmed by the wholeness of Who He is? Or even just the minuscule part that you can grasp? I can't even comprehend that. Oh God.

I started tripping out yesterday at the immensity of His love for me that He would so orchestrate my life to the littlest details and is just SO FREAKING GOOD. I can't describe it, I can't contain it. I just...oh my precious God. Jesus.

This morning I woke up and turned on some music and was singing like a maniac. Song in my heart? God, I've been bubbling over all day. I can't contain it. I spent Bible class testifying to my kids. I spent math class testifying to my kids. I had to pause in my praise to call parents' names over the walkie talkie during pickup. I didn't tutor this afternoon and came home and just started singing some more. Got inspired to paint and painted and praised and got so crazy pumped up I could barely drive to book club. I turned on the cruise so I wouldn't speed and screamed. I couldn't sing anymore because I just had to scream. It's all inside trying to come out and I'm driving and rocking and emitting noises and praise and Lord have mercy. It was a struggle to sit through book club because I wanted to yell and run. Run, run, run. I couldn't sit still. I couldn't. I did try. My heart was bursting through.

Got back into the car to come home and it continued. Rocking and hollering. Completely overwhelmed by how He loves me. How, how, how. Jesus, help me make it home. If I can just get home. So I think. I can't park and get out of my car, running up two flights of stairs, trying to hold it in and the second I bust through the door I freaking flip out and fall over, completely consumed. Melted. All I can do is moan and groan and drool.

I felt Jesus and I thought--why would You come HERE?--oh my God it's a mess, there are clothes and dishes everywhere. Why would Almighty, the I AM, come HERE? Why not at church or someplace nicer? And He kept saying, I love you, because I love you. And oh God, oh God. I'm overwhelmed.

My body doesn't know what to do. I can't get up. But I'm having fits of laughing and shaking and groaning and moaning. But I'm not consciously thinking about anything. Then I wonder how I got on the floor. I never thought about being on the floor. It happened before my brain had time to analyze the ins and outs.

I'm overwhelmed by Him. "This love is so deep; it's more than I can stand. I melt in Your peace; it's overwhelming." I've melted. I've been overwhelmed. I try to text what is happening. I try to get up. Did I make it to the bathroom to get a tissue? I came to the computer to turn on the worship I was listening to earlier. Somehow I ended up on the floor again. I love you. I love you. You'll never forget this night. I love you.

Oh, God. I want to live in Your presence. But You are so much. I want to share what's happening, but it's still happening. I can't articulate when You completely and totally overwhelm me, saturate me, come so close that I can smell You. I can just crumple. Why is it that you love me? There are so many trillions of people and You love ME. But oh, why wonder why, because You just do. Oh, God, I'm overwhelmed.

Written and submitted by Debbie McMullen

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